Wrapping It Up

Wow! I can't believe I've been home nearly a month. It feels like I never left but at the same time there's a part of me that's envious of the new group of Foreign English Teachers. I wish I was them starting out a new year in Taiwan again. I have my moments of Taiwan-sickness and I'm finding ways to cope. I've found some places in C-bus where I can get pearl milk tea aka bubble tea. I've also found a couple of good Asian markets where I can get my fix with all those yummy Taiwanese treats like mochi and red bean filled steamed buns. I realized that all these places were here before I left. I just didn't have my eyes open wide enough to see them. Now, I do. Thank goodness I went to Taiwan.

It was a whirlwind week for me last week. First, I had an old friend from high school give me a lead on a job. The principal called me in for an interview for kindergarten. By the day of the interview, the enrollment had shifted and they needed a third grade teacher. That was fine by me. I student taught in third grade and that's my favorite grade to teach. A few hours later, the assistant principal called me and said they loved me and I was a top candidate for the third grade position but they thought I would be perfect for a fourth grade opening they had. She wondered if I could come back in to meet with the fourth grade teachers. Of course, I would. I'm just not licensed to teach fourth grade. Fortunately, they're a charter school and that won't be a problem for next year at least and Ohio has added a 4/5 endorsement for the early childhood license that I can get with a few classes. I met with the other teachers and we clicked. They offered me the position about two hours after the interview. I'm excited and scared at the same time. I always loved subbing in fourth grade classrooms and I love teaching Ohio History which is a big part of the fourth grade curriculum. However, fourth grade math scares me to death and after a year of traveling from classroom to classroom teaching English, I'm afraid I've lost my chops for regular classroom teaching. I'm pretty sure once we get into the year, I'll be fine. It's just those new job jitters getting to me. I'm more excited than anything. The school has a great philosophy and I think I'll be working with a great team. I'll be fine after the first week with the students.

Now, I have a job. I needed to find an apartment. That didn't take me nearly as long as I thought it would. Craigslist to the rescue! I found an apartment in Grandview, a really cute neighborhood in Columbus. The best part is that I'll have two bedrooms, a basement, a garage and a back yard. Yipppppeeeee!!!!! I can walk everywhere except to work. The price of the apartment was a lot less than I thought I was going to have to spend. It's priced way under the market but right in my price range. Now, I just have to wait for the current resident to move out so my landlord can clean and do some upgrades that he's had planned for a long time. He said I'll definitely be able to move in by Sept. 1 if not sooner. I was so excited to be moving there that I bought a bike with a basket on it to ride around my new neighborhood.

Well, that's it folks. It looks like things are falling into place for me for the time being. Life doesn't always work out this nice and tidy. I'm just glad it did for me at this moment. I'm ready to start the next phase and see what's in store for me.

What a Year!

I've been back in the U.S. almost two weeks. I thought I would have time to write a few more posts before I left Taiwan but that didn't pan out. I guess that always happens when you move. There are always things that pop up at the last minute and of course all the farewell meetings.

It was difficult leaving Taiwan. I've made some wonderful friends that I will sorely miss. They became such an important part of my life and I plan on keeping them in my life for as long as they want to be.

I had moments of panic in the Taipei airport and the Detroit airport. While waiting in the Customs line to re-enter the U.S., I nearly broke down in tears. That's when it finally hit me that I really left and wasn't in Taiwan anymore. Just as I experienced uncertainty when I left last year, I'm feeling similar trepidation now. I could have easily continued living and working in Taiwan. I had some job offers but I wanted to teach the way we do in America and that would be very difficult there. However, the job situation is uncertain here in the U.S. (yes for teachers too...it's not a recession proof career). It was the risk I had to take.

When I arrived in Columbus, I was greeted by my friend, Bridget, and her husband, Rich. It was so nice to see familiar faces. Everything smelled so much stronger than I remember when I left but other than the smells I felt like I had only been gone a few days not 11 months.

I was prepared to experience reverse culture shock. Friends warned me that I would be depressed and have moments where I just want to return. My reverse culture shock hasn't been as bad as I expected. I credit this to a few things. One, I was prepared for it. I read about it and my friends who have lived outside of the U.S. shared with me about it. Two, I've found I'm pretty flexible about different cultures. I didn't experience much culture shock when I first moved to Taiwan. Three...I have a wonderful support network here, in the U.S. I was immediately involved in going out with friends and being welcomed home. This was probably the most important factor. Without the warm welcome from all my friends, this transition would be much more difficult

Now, I'm wrapped up in my old way of life (sort of). I've been busy getting back to my regular workout and eating schedule. I've been enjoying doing laundry with a washer and a dryer (laundry done in 3 hours vs. 3 days). I spend hours a day searching for my next teaching position. There are some things that have changed, though. Now, I also include a trip to the Asian grocery store for some mochi and hong dou (red beans) when I'm running errands. I make early morning Skype and Yahoo Messenger calls to get the latest news from my friends in Taiwan. I still carry my chopsticks with me, just in case. I listen to my Mandarin lessons just to feel like I'm back in Taiwan.

This year has been such a valuable learning experience for me. I knew going into it that I would learn more than I would teach and that's so true. I'm a much better and stronger person for it. I also know that I can call anywhere home and now I have two homes. Taiwan has forever touched my heart and a little piece of it will remain there.


Vincent and Vivian were students that I tutored every Saturday. I'm going to miss our conversations about Twilight and Harry Potter.


My best friend in Taiwan, Vina, and I at our favorite hangout, The Armory.

Weird Habits

I'm sitting here on my last day of work with nothing to do so I've had a lot of time to think. This has been an amazing experience with both good and bad points. I'm so glad that I had the opportunity to come to Taiwan. I've met so many wonderful people here and I've even learned a little Chinese.

But I'm not ready to write my good-bye article quite yet. As I've been thinking, I realized there are some habits I have now that might seem a little out of place once I get back to the good ole' U. S. of A. I'm just going to apologize for my actions or words ahead of time. It might seem strange to you but to me some of these things have become a way of life.

1. When I'm ordering food and the person asks "For here or to go," I will most likely say "Wai Dai" meaning to go in Mandarin. Sorry, it's a conditioned response at this point.

2. Be patient with me as I check for Western toilets in public restrooms because here there are two choices when you go to the bathroom.

3. When I say "dui (dway)", I'm saying "Okay" just nod your head and smile.

4. Don't fall asleep while I'm speaking. I've gotten used to speaking slowly here. It doesn't mean I think you're stupid. It means I've been teaching English to non-native speakers for a year. Never fear, the rate will pick up after a few weeks at home.

5. If you get a call from my phone number but the person sounds Canadian, it's just me. I've been around a lot of Canadians the last year and I've been told I have the accent. Some of my students have even said that I speak Chinese with a Canadian accent...go figure. Just give it time. Either you will adjust or the accent will disappear.

6. My vocabulary has diminished so just be patient with me as I stumble to find the right words sometimes. It will all come back to me soon enough.

7. I speak Chinglish now. If you don't understand what I just told you simply say "Please translate" and I'll understand.

8. Don't be surprised if I walk out the door and don't grab my car keys. I've been walking or riding a subway everywhere for nearly a year. I'm actually afraid I forgot how to drive. I guess we'll see very soon.

9. The cost of living here is very low. I just might burst into tears when I hear my first total at Wal-Mart and they won't be tears of joy. Like my friend Sarni says "Like poop, this too shall pass."

10. If you can't find me, look anywhere that people might speak Mandarin. I'm going to have moments when I miss hearing that language.

11. Don't be surprised, if I get overwhelmed in public places. I have just spent the last year not being able to understand what people around me are saying. Hearing English all around me is going to be information overload at times.

12. If it's 60 degrees and I'm wearing a parka, gloves, scarf and hat, just smile and look the other way when you laugh at me.

13. I'm apologizing now for all the times I will start eating before everyone at the table is served. That is the way in Taiwan. You don't wait until everyone has their food. You eat as soon as your food is set in front of you.

14. Okay...I carry my own chopsticks and I'm not afraid to use them. Again...just look the other way when you start laughing at me.

15. I have the habit of posing for any camera within 20 yards of me. This is a photo crazy country and I've become accustomed to random strangers asking for my photo. I'll break the habit soon enough.

16. Another photo habit...I carry a camera with me everywhere. Everyone does here. You never know when a Kodak moment might arise. This is a habit I don't want to break.

Well, that's all I can think of right now. I'm sure when you see me again in America you will notice other little idiosyncrasies, as you should. I'd be concerned if I lived half-way around the world for a year and didn't change at all. This was meant to be a life-changing experience. I'll never regret my time spent here.

That being said returning home won't be so easy for me. I've already read and heard from friends who have traveled that the reverse culture shock can be worse than the initial culture shock. I didn't really experience horrible culture shock after arriving in Taiwan. I think that's because I did everything I could to make sure I was prepared. I'm trying to do the same in this case but I still will have my moments. Just be patient with me while I go have a good cry. I'm returning to a lot of uncertainty. Once the dust settles and I get back into a routine, I'll be just fine (just with some new personality quirks).

Teacher

The title says it all. That's what I am and I think, in my heart, that's what I've always been. I didn't take the direct route to get to a career I love but I'm here now and I can't imagine doing anything else.

I just finished watching a movie about a teacher named Brad Cohen. Brad has Tourette's Syndrome and he didn't get very much support from his teachers growing up. He was always considered the troublemaker. He wrote a book about his experience which became the movie I saw. However, it wasn't Brad's struggle or his illness that resonated with me as I watched. It was the kind of teacher he was.

Brad was hired to take a class three weeks into the school year. The second grade was overcrowded so he was taking the overflow. One of the other teachers on his team apologized for putting Tommy in his class. She said Tommy had a whole alphabet attached to him and she told Brad her advice was to "just let special ed have him." Later in the movie, Brad is working with Tommy on his reading during a detention. Tommy complains that he doesn't like reading and Brad says "I'm not giving up on you." I immediately began to cry.

In my short career, I've had plenty of Tommies (and I'm sure there will be more). I've always felt the same way as Brad. Not once did the option of "giving up" ever cross my mind for these students. More than anything, I just wanted to find what worked for my Tommies. I wanted them to succeed.

There was another scene where Brad attends the funeral of one of his second graders (she had cancer). He was hesitant to attend the service for fear of disrupting it but the mother said he was her daughter's favorite teacher and he should be there. I hope I never have to deal with that situation but once again, I felt his loss acutely. I know if that would happen to one of my students, I would do everything I could to help my student and I know I would be devastated by the loss.

Watching a teacher as committed to the profession as I am just reinforced my passion for my career. It also made me feel good that there are others out there who "get it". I want to be that teacher that a student remembers 20 years from now and says "Yeah, Ms. Kayla believed in me and I achieved my goals."

All that being said, it also saddened me to be thinking about that. My contract is quickly coming to an end in Taiwan. When I left the U.S., the economy was in a downturn but not quite this bad. Even so, teaching is a little more stable than other careers and I have teaching in Taiwan on my resume. Everyone told me "You'll get hired right away."

Now, I'm facing uncertainty. The numbers are against me. Schools are increasing class sizes and decreasing faculty. As that is happening, more people are entering teaching because they lost their jobs in other fields and think education is a good option for work now. Even urban school districts, which are notorious for always having openings, are cutting back on hiring.

After three years of finally doing my dream job, I'm facing the possible reality of not being in the classroom next school year. This scenario fills me with dread. There are the financial concerns involved but I've always been able to get by when it comes to supporting myself. I'm a hard worker and will do whatever it takes to earn money and pay my bills. The paycheck isn't my concern.

The thought of not walking into a classroom everyday starting next fall is a nightmare to me. I feel like that's a year lost to making a difference in this world. My students give so much to me. What's more, there is so much I want to give to them. I want to tell them, just like Brad Cohen told Tommy, "I'm not giving up on you...I never will." My greatest fear is that I will lose that time and not have that opportunity.

My heart is heavy with the possibility of being a teacher and not teaching next year but I haven't given up. I found a job in a tough job market before and it's still early in the game. I still have two weeks of teaching left in Taiwan and I hope to make the most of them. When I get home, I'm hitting the job search process with determination.

My goal is to teach for Chicago Public Schools where there are some amazing things going on in education. However, I want to teach and so I won't rule out other places where there is a job for me. It just means I'll have to try for Chicago another year. The reality is I am a teacher. As long as I'm doing that, everything else will work out.

Just Desserts

Desserts in Taiwan are more than a sweet treat. They're an art form. You'll find little cafe/bakeries on every other street corner. I have one right across the street from my apartment. I've been told this is a newer trend that's only popped up in the last five years or so. You can get a cup of Starbucks-esque coffee (for a third of the price) and a slice of cake (or some other yummy confection). You can also have whole cakes made. The one for my birthday (see October posts for a picture) is the perfect example. These exquisite works of art would cost more the $50 USD just to start in the States but here they're only around $10-$15 USD.

I am a writer but this is truly a case where a picture is worth a thousand words. Thank goodness it's not worth a thousand calories in this case. Enjoy the delicious photography below.

Chinese Medicine

Well, I've gone and done it. Forty-four days before I leave I had to visit the doctor. It's kind of silly actually. I walked with some friends in some cute but not walk appropriate shoes the weekend before last. My left heel started to hurt as if it was bruised but every day it got a little bit better so I didn't think much of it. That is, until, last night. I was doing a circuit workout in my apartment that included jumping rope and jumping jacks. With each jump I felt the pain slowly return and then increase in my heel. I stopped after the second circuit and figured I'd be fine by morning.

Man...was I way off base with that. By this morning, the pain was excruciating and I had to be on my feet all morning teaching first, second and third graders in the English Village. A lot of teachers in Taiwan sit while they teach but that's never been my style. We were doing the hokey pokey and I was taking them on a walking tour of Wufu Land so sitting for me wasn't an option (never really is for me when I teach). By lunch time, I was in so much pain that I lost my appetite. After lunch, I was less than amicable to anyone who talked with me and I was biting my plastic water bottle to keep from crying.

I haven't really experienced culture shock since I arrived in Taiwan but I never had to go to the doctor. When I realized I might have an ulcer, a friend who's a doctor gave me Nexium so I never needed to deal with the health care system. It's not bad here. Quite the contrary, I've heard wonderful things about doctors and hospitals in Taiwan and it's cheap. It's just a BIG unknown if you're going to have a doctor that can speak any English. Rather than deal with the hassle, I've found other ways around it. Well, I did until today.

I couldn't take it anymore so my colleagues helped me find a Chinese medicine hospital that specializes in bone and muscle issues. One teacher subbed for my afternoon classes while another called to make sure there was someone who could speak English at the hospital. She also called me a taxi and gave me the address in Chinese to show the driver. I was on my way cringing in the backseat the whole time.

When I got there, the culture shock hit. Typically, in the bigger cities in Taiwan, you'll find English and Chinese in most places. Not so here and I didn't expect it. The hospital had a strong herbal smell almost like incense. I got to the front of the line and handed over my health care card hoping that's all that would be required of me. My Chinese language skills are decent if I'm shopping, eating out or introducing myself but I haven't gotten to the lesson about illness in my language studies, yet. Well, the nurse handed me a form that was all in Chinese. She kind of looked at me like I was crazy as my face fell and I nearly burst into tears. Quickly, another nurse stepped in and helped me out. She knew enough English to guide me through the form or complete parts for me based on my Alien Resident Card. In the nearly year that I've been here, that was the first time I felt helpless and alone in a foreign country.

Fortunately, the feeling was short-lived. They gave me a number and I sat down to wait. While I waited, I just focused on the water fountain and Taiwanese soap opera that were both in front of me. I also noticed people receiving acupuncture in the waiting area. You would NEVER see that in the U.S. with all the health codes. This was a busy place and all the hustle and bustle took my mind off the pain in my heel at times.

When my number was up, I went into a small cubicle where the doctor was. He looked more nervous than me to see my face. I have a feeling he doesn't see a lot of white people at this hospital and like most Taiwanese isn't confident in his English skills. Turns out his English abilities were fine. At least, I was happy with them and beyond relieved that I could communicate with someone there. He asked all the typical questions you would get from a doctor who practices Western medicine. He told me first they would do a sonar treatment and then massage the heel. Then he told me to stay off the foot after my treatment. Easier said than done for me since I walk or take the MRT everywhere but I'll give it my best shot.

They led me up to the second floor for sonar. OUCH! That treatment hurt...A LOT. The woman using the machine on my foot was asking me something but I only understood part of the question so yet another nurse who spoke some English stepped in to help out. She was saying "Tong, zai nali?" I know zai nali means where but I didn't know tong. It didn't take me long to figure out that meant hurt. When she moved, the sonar she was asking me where it hurt. Very soon, you could hear me cringing and saying "Tong! Tong!". The nurse that could speak English started laughing and said "You know tong." I had to go through eight minutes of that treatment and it was a very long eight minutes. At least, I got a free Chinese lesson out of it.

My sonar treatment was over and the nurse led me back to the waiting area on the first floor. They gave me a damp heating pad to put on my foot as I waited for the massage therapist. The next thing I knew I was being called into the therapist's cubicle with another older lady. I thought maybe he was multi-tasking. It turns out the woman spoke English and he asked her to translate. She's a regular patient at the hospital. She hurt her knee in a bus accident 25 years ago and goes there every couple of days to treat her knee pain. She was so pleasant and sweet. I could tell she was also very excited to be using her English. She told me to take my time learning Chinese and I'd be speaking like a native soon enough. She was such a wonderful and kind-spirited woman.

The sonar treatment was painful but the massage was the first relief from the pain I'd had since it started. It felt so good. When the therapist finished, he put a poultice of Chinese herbs on my heel and wrapped it up. He gave me two more for the road that I have to replace every four hours. It feels a lot like an Icy Hot patch. Whatever it is, it's been working. The pain has decreased since my visit and my limp has become less pronounced. I might have to go back in a few days but I'm not relishing the thought of another sonar treatment.

I've always wanted to try Eastern medicine but it's not covered by insurance in the U.S. and it's expensive. However, in Taiwan both Eastern and Western medicine are covered. They've got the right idea. More and more studies are showing a combination of the two can yield powerful results for a patient.

No one ever wants to get hurt but at least this little injury gave me the chance to experience a part of the Taiwanese culture that is very different from mine. It also showed me how difficult and scary something as simple as a visit to the doctor can be when you can't speak, read or write in that language. I'm lucky enough to be in Taiwan where they are exceedingly kind and helpful to foreigners. I know it is not so easy for people in other countries and it's a lesson I'll remember when I return to the U.S.

Video Updates

Hello everyone! For months, I've been trying to add videos I have of my experiences here in Taiwan with little success. Well, I finally figured out a work around last night and have added videos to some old posts. There's a second grade dance performance you can watch on the "English Village" post. You can also see my advanced fifth grade students performing Taiwanese Opera in the post "Visitors and Taiwanese Opera". I'll continue to add video to my posts as I record them now that I have figured out how to get around the whole Taiwan ISP address thing. It's all about copyright protections but these are my own videos so it's all legal. Re-visit those old posts for your viewing pleasure and look for new videos to come.

A Taste of Taiwan Pop

Once upon a time there was an American living in Kaohsiung City, Taiwan who didn't have anything to do on a lazy Sunday afternoon. This American girl decided to walk over to the nearby Hanshin's Department store for some Starbucks and people watching. Boy, did she get a surprise.

Hanshin's has a permanent stage set up in front of the main entrance. They have performances there all the time. I've seen dance competitions and local choir performances. Today, I noticed a crowd forming but didn't think much of it. I went into the food court and enjoyed some lunch. After an hour or so (including a bookstore visit of course), I came back outside to see a crowd forming around the stage. I decided to stick around and see what was up. After about 20 minutes, some dancers from the nearby gym, Fitness Factory, came out and gave an impressive performance.



Then I decided to sit down and read my book in the park area next to the stage. After about the MC had some bantering with the crowd and the dancers I heard screams that were reminiscent of my first New Kids on the Block concert. That's when I knew I had to check this out. Thank goodness I recently bought a compact camera. I always have it with me when moments like this crop up.

Turns out it was a band called Mayday and, apparently, they're a pretty big deal in Taiwan. All the members are my age but all the girls screaming and taking pictures were about 16. I imagine it was probably like if the Jonas Brothers were at the mall in the U.S. (I decided to stop dating myself with the NKOTB references).

The band wasn't performing. Instead, they were handing out prizes and to what I imagine were winners of some kind of contest or drawing. They also decorated cakes. I'm not sure what's going to happen to those cakes and they gave someone a giant check. If you want to see them perform, here's their music video.

I thought it was funny because all the photo opportunities for these things were done onstage with the media right there onstage as well. They basically stopped the show so all the media could get their shots and interviews. In the U.S., all the stuff would usually be done in a holding area off-stage either while a lesser performance is going on or after the show but not here. It was like it was part of the show.

Then some people in pink shirts pulled out a table and the MC introduced a young kid who came out wearing what was obviously a brand-spanking new outfit. I realized I was watching a Kaohsiung version of American Idol and Mayday were the celebrity judges. I didn't stick around for long after that. The first boy was decent. The next performance was pretty bad. The excitement had worn off for me. Besides, I couldn't wait to get home and get on Google. I wanted to find out who these guys were. This is what I love about living in Taiwan. You never know what your going to run into when you go out.

To learn more about Mayday click here.

Below are some pictures from the "show". Enjoy!

English Village

It's been a while since I've had a chance to post. The last month has been a whirlwind. I visited Taipei, Keelung and Kenting in March. I also had a friend visit me in Kaohsiung. Josie is from Toronto and teaches in Miaoli County. But the biggest consumer of my time was the opening day of Wufu Elementary School's English Village.

English Villages are VERY popular in Taiwan. I did a little research and found that the concept actually started in Europe but really expanded in Korea. It's the Korean English Villages that inspired the movement in Taiwan. English Villages are buildings full of theme rooms where students can use English in practical, life-like situations. The idea is that it is a kind of language immersion environment. Schools can take a field-trip to an English Village for a day or even rent one for a week or so for a camp. So, not every school has their own English Village. Only schools with the physical space, financial backing and political connections house English Villages.

I've seen English Villages as small as three rooms to as large as 11 rooms (my school). They are staffed by both foreign and Taiwanese English teachers. Chris and Kathy wrote the curriculum and textbooks for our English Village and I assisted with the content in the later stages of curriculum development.

Opening day was a MAJOR production. We had dignitaries, principals and visitors from all over Kaohsiung County and Taiwan. We trained student and parent volunteers for months to give tours of the rooms. The entire second grade did a special dance. Our orchestra played and our drum ensemble also performed. There were more speakers and ceremonial events than I could keep track of.



After the ceremony, the governor and his entourage took a tour of the English Village. This is where my old journalism and public relations skills came into play. I had to do a weather report with the governor in the weather station room. I also had to interview the governor. After the interview, I gave a short teaching demonstration. It was nice to put my undergrad education to good use along with my new career.

Since the opening, we've been teaching in the English Village. It's a very different way of teaching. I'm now teaching first, second and third grade and I feel like I'm back where I belong. I had fun with the fifth and sixth graders (and I kind of miss them) but I wasn't the best teacher I could be for them. I was out of my element. Now, I'm back in it in a sense.

I've started out by teaching the students in the weather room. They get two weeks there. The first week they give a weather report on television. There's a camera hooked up to the projector so they can see themselves on the big screen. The second week they play Weather Jeopardy. These students really like it. All the shyness I've seen in classrooms when it comes to speaking English melts away when they can see themselves doing it on camera.

I have to admit the English Village is impressive. We have 11 theme rooms: weather station, theater, airport (with real airplane seats and airplane bathroom), cooking room, homestay, Wufu Land (giant map with moveable buildings), Pet Planet, MRT (subway), Wufu Burger, convenience store and cyber cafe. Cyber Cafe and MRT were recent additions in the month before the opening. The students have been learning about these theme rooms since the beginning of the year and now they are applying their knowledge.

I've included pictures from the opening day and some from my classes. You can learn more about my English Village by visiting www.wufuvillage.blogspot.com.

I'm sure you'll be hearing more about English Village from me in the future. Lately, my life has revolved around it. I'll be honest. It's easy teaching. I teach the same lesson plan 44 times and only need two plans a month. For that reason, it's not very challenging. I miss regular classroom teaching and am looking forward to getting back to that when I return in July.

You've Been in Taiwan Too Long

I received this from a listserv and wanted to share with everyone. You might not get the jokes exactly but I hope it gives you some idea about what it's like being a foreigner living in Taiwan. Just one warning. This is really long so you might want to skim.

You know you've been in Taiwan too long when...

: 1. You can order the entire McDonald’s menu in Chinese.
你可以用中文點麥當勞的任何餐
: 2. You decide it makes more sense to drive a motorcycle instead of a car.
你決定騎機車比開車更理智
: 3. More than one garment has been ruined by betel-nut spit.
超過一件衣服被檳榔渣弄髒
: 4. More than one garment has been ruined by salty sweat stains.
超過一件衣服被含鹽量高的汗水弄髒
: 5. More than one garment has been ruined by food grease.
超過一件衣服被食物油漬弄髒
: 6. Someone doesn’t stare at you and you wonder why.
有人不盯著你看你會覺得奇怪
: 7. You look both ways before crossing the sidewalk.
經過人行道時會記得看兩邊
: 8. Hsiaohsing Wine tastes good.
紹興酒很好喝
: 9. You turn left from the right lane, no matter how many lanes there are.
不管有幾個車道，都會從右車道左轉
: 10. 20 degrees Celsius feels cold.
20度就覺得冷了
: 11. You see three people on a motorcycle and figure there’s room for two more.
你看到一台機車載三個人而想著還可以再擠上兩個
: 12. "Squid" sounds better than "steak".
「花枝」聽起來比「牛排」好吃
: 13. You don’t notice the smell.
你開始不會在意四周的味道
: 14. There are more things strapped to your motorcycle than you’d ever put in a truck.
機車上綁著的東西比放進置物箱裡的還多
: 15. Looking at a dog makes you hungry.
看到一隻狗會讓你覺得餓
: 16. You stop conjugating verbs.
開始不做動詞變化了
: 17. You speak fluent Chinglish.
你可以流利的說中文混雜英文
: 18. You drive on the shoulder to pass traffic.
碰到塞車會搶路肩
: 19. The main reason you stop at a 7-11 is to buy tea eggs.
進小七的主要理由是想買茶葉蛋
: 20. You expect a Chinese New Year’s bonus.
希望過中國年會加薪
: 21. Firecrackers and garbage trucks don’t wake you up.
爆竹和垃圾車叫不醒你
: 22. You spend two hours and a fortune to eat Western food.
你會花兩小時和一大筆錢吃西餐
: 23. You can distinguish aboriginal languages.
你可以分辨多個原住民語
: 24. Your family stops asking you when you’ll be coming back.
你的家人不再問你甚麼時候要回去了
: 25. You consider taxi drivers "good drivers".
你覺得計程車駕駛是「好駕駛」
: 26. You don’t think beer is expensive.
你不覺得啤酒很貴
: 27. You stop and look both ways before driving through a red light.
你會在紅燈前停下來，看看兩邊，然後開過去
: 28. You don’t stop or look both ways before driving through a red light.
你不會在紅燈前停下來看看兩邊就開過去了
: 29. "A", "an" and "the" aren’t necessary parts of speech.
說話時不會去用 "a" 或 "the" 這種定冠詞
: 30. You know when the next "big bai-bai" is.
你知道下一次的「大拜拜」是什麼時候
: 31. Smoking is one of the dinner courses.
抽煙是晚餐主菜之一
: 32. You don’t mind when your date picks her/his nose in public.
你不介意約會對象在公開場合挖鼻孔
: 33. You wear out your horn before your brakes.
你車上的喇叭比煞車先壞了
: 34. You know which place has the best noodles & duck meat at 3:00 a.m.
你知道半夜三點哪裡可以有好吃的麵和鴨肉
: 35. You (male) wear white socks with suits and black socks with tennis shorts. You (female) wear socks with pantyhose in summer. You (any gender) wear polyester and paisley.
你(男生)把白襪配套裝，而把黑襪配網球短褲；
妳(女生)把襪子配上褲襪來穿；
你(任何性別)穿Polo衫或花襯衫。
: 36. People who knew you when you first arrived don’t recognize you.
在你剛來時認識你的人已經完全認不出你了
: 37. You speak Chinese to your foreign friends.
你對你的外國朋友說中文
: 38. You own a karaoke machine.
你有一台卡拉OK伴唱機
: 39. You offer directions to locals.
你會幫當地人指路
(比當地人還熟是吧= =)
: 40. You leave the plastic on new furniture and appliances.
新傢俱和新家電上的塑膠你不會拆掉
: 41. Forks and knives feel awkward.
叉子和刀子感覺很奇怪
: 42. The shortest distance between two points involves going through an alley.
兩地之間最短的距離包括鑽過一條巷子
: 43. You wear blue rubber flip-flops to work.
你穿藍色橡膠夾腳拖上班
: 44. Your deodorant stick has cobwebs on it.
你的止汗除臭劑已經長蜘蛛網了

: 45. Foreigners smell funny.
外國人聞起來怪怪的
: 46. You check that the karaoke machine is working before boarding a wild chicken bus.
在上野雞車之前會先檢查卡拉OK是不是好的
: 47. Mando- pop remakes of Western songs sound better than the originals.
翻唱的外國歌比原來的好聽
: 48. You own a Mando-pop CD.
你有中文流行音樂CD
: 49. You’ve been to a Mando-pop concert.
你去過中文流行音樂的演唱會
: 50. You know the lyrics to Mando-pop songs and/or have sung them in KTV.
你知道中文流行歌的歌詞，甚至有可能在KTV裡唱過
: 51. You point out foreigners and stare at them.
你指著外國人並且盯著他們看
: 52. You shop for clothes at night markets and the clothes fit.
你會在夜市買衣服，而衣服都很合穿
: 53. You own at least one mosquito tennis racquet.
你至少有一個蚊子網球拍
: 54. The majority of foreigners who have been in Taiwan longer than you have are buried here.
大部份比你在台灣待得長一點的外國人都已經埋在這裡了
: 55. You find yourself saying, "Oh geez, not ANOTHER Year of the Ox."
你發現你會說「喔天哪，怎麼又是鼠年了」
: 56. You know which turn signal should be on when driving the wrong way down a one-way street.
當你逆向進入單行道時你知道該看哪個紅綠燈
: 57. You get homesick for Chinese food when you are away from Taiwan.
你離開台灣時會對中國食物感到極度想念

: 58. You can name two dozen different types of night market snacks.
你可以叫出超過兩打的不同夜市點心
: 59. You pray at temples for a winning lottery number.
為了中樂透會去廟裡拜拜
: 60. At least a part of Christmas dinner is stir-fried.
至少一部份的聖節晚餐是用炒的
: 61. Other foreigners give you a funny look when you tell them how long you’ve been here.
其他外國人聽到你在這裡多久了會給你一個奇怪的臉色
: 62. You can’t think of any good reason to leave Taiwan.
你想不到任何理由離開台灣
: 63. People no longer come up to you on the street and want to be your friend.
人們不再因為想和你成為朋友而在接近你
: 64. You’re impressed by the safety of Taiwan scaffolding.
你被台灣的鷹架穩定度感到印象深刻
: 65. The last few vacations you’ve had have been around Taiwan on company outings.
最近幾個假期你都是和公司一起出去台灣各地玩
: 66. Your idea of a barbeque is squatting by the side of a highway.
你覺得BBQ就是在高速公路旁邊蹲下來
: 67. You prefer squatting to sitting (including toilets).
你比較喜歡蹲坐甚於坐著(即使在馬桶上也是)
: 68. You’ve had a dozen different Taiwan email addresses.
你有超過一打的台灣email 帳號
: 69. You’ve had several local cell phone numbers.
你有很多個手機號碼
: 70. Locals are surprised to find out you can’t vote in the upcoming election.
當地人很驚訝你怎麼沒有投票權
: 71. Your pets are bilingual.
你的寵物聽得懂雙語(你原來的語言和中文)
: 72. Pizza just doesn’t taste right unless there’s corn on it.
披薩在沒有玉米時吃起來就是不對勁
: 68. You prefer to park on the sidewalk.
你偏好在人行道上停車
: 69. Most meaningful conversations take place in doorways or on slow-moving motorcycles.
許多有意義的對話是在門口或是在緩慢行進中的機車上
: 70. Sometimes the sight of yourself in the mirror shocks you.
有時候看到鏡子中的你會嚇一跳
: 71. You think your nose is big.
你覺得你的鼻子大了點
: 72. You speak Mandarin with a Taiwanese accent.
你說的中文有台灣腔
: 73. You take "ho" onto the end of your sentences.
句子結束都會加上「齁」
: 74. You say "hei" instead of yes.
你會用「ㄏㄟ」當做「是」的回答。
: 75. You can haggle with the best of them.
你能和強者老闆殺價
: 76. You don’t want to sit near the foreigners on the bus or in the restaurant.
在餐廳或在公車上你不會想和外國人坐在一起
: 77. Your English has gone to hell.
你的英文變得很破
: 78. Foreign women look big and fat; foreign men look the same, but also hairy.
外國女人看起來肥肥胖胖的；外國男人看起來差不多，但毛多了些
: 79. In your home country, you find yourself accidentally speaking Chinese (answer the phone with "wei?")
在你的家鄉會不自覺的使用中文(例如接電話時「喂？」)
: 80. You can differentiate different types of tea.
你可以分出各種茶的味道，即使這個「茶」是你在口Ｘ時的用來助興的
: 81. You can tell taxi drivers the exact route to take…anywhere.
你可以告訴計程車司機到任何地方的詳細路程
: 82. You know where to buy *anything*.
你知道哪裡買得到什麼東西
: 83. Wearing shoes in a house makes you really uncomfortable.
在房子裡穿鞋會感覺怪怪的
: 84. You shower in the evening.
你總在傍晚沖澡
: 85. The smell of chou dofu (stinky tofu) makes your mouth water.
臭豆腐讓你垂涎三尺
: 86. You wait until just before Chinese New Year to "pick up" new furniture.
你總趁除夕之前去撿人家清出來還八成新的傢俱
: 87. You walk into restaurants and they know what you want before you order.
你進餐廳點餐前店員就知道你要什麼了
: 88. You only know what’s popular back home from the dress and speech of new foreign Chinese students.
你要根據那些去國外留學的台灣學生的穿著講話才能了解家鄉那裡現在流行什麼
: 89. You get all mushy inside when you think about Chinese New Year.
過中國年時你會覺得感傷
: 90. The best way of spending your free time is sleeping.
最好的殺時間方式是睡覺
: 91. You deflect compliments in the presence of foreign friends.
你開始會在外國朋友面前謙虛
: 92. You fight to pay the bill.
你爭著付帳
: 93. You don’t open gifts until you get home.
你都到回家才拆禮物
: 94. You have fond memories of a particular spot in Taiwan…that no longer exists.
你有個台灣某處景點的美好回憶…可是那地方已經不見了
: 95. Taiwan beer is your beer of choice and you prefer it with ice.
台啤是你的啤酒之選，而且你會加些冰塊
: 96. You don’t make important decisions without consulting the temple astrologer.
做重大決策時總是會參考廟裡的算命仙的說法
: 97. You can tell what someone wants from what they don’t say.
即使他們不說，你還是能知道他們想要什麼
: 98. ICRT is a "good" radio station.
ICRT是個「好」電台
: 99. Some of your biggest musical influences have been the Carpenters and Air Supply CDs.
影響你最多的音樂包含木匠兄妹及空中補給樂團的CD
: 100. You can tell what is inside a Chinese/Taiwanese cookie without biting into it.
你能在還沒咬中國餅之前就知道裡面是什麼餡
: 101. You recognize old girlfriends.
走在街上會認出前女友
: 102. You count yourself fortunate to have stepped in dog shit.
踩到狗屎會覺得很幸運
: 103. You know the difference between a duvet, duna, and comforter.
你分得出床單和床墊
: 104. Your mom has a funny accent.
你覺得你媽有奇怪的口音
: 105. You look at traffic accidents with indifference.
看到車禍你完全沒有特別感覺
: 106. You think Taiwan game shows are hilarious.
你覺得台灣的綜藝節目真是他○的有趣
: 107. You can tell the political orientations of local cable news stations from the way they report the news.
你可以藉由有線新聞台播報新聞的方式分出他們偏藍還偏綠
: 108. You think of Tianmu as a place where foreigners live.
你覺得天母是外國人住的地方
: 109. You own a little, yappy dog and carry it around with you.
你養一隻小狗，而且帶著牠到處跑
: 110. You own a shirt with a pig on it.
你有一件上面畫了一隻豬的襯衫
: 111. You own a buxiban.
你開了一間補習班
: 112. You eat ji pi gu because your complexion isn’t what it used to be.
你會因為今天氣色不好而吃雞屁股
: 113. You just can’t get that Kenny G song out of your head.
你就是不能把Kenny G的歌趕出腦子裡
: 114. You can’t remember not having athlete’s foot.
你不記得沒有香港腳的時候了
: 115. You get a post-dated check two months after completing a job and still thank your employer.
你收到一張晚了兩個月寄來的工作薪水支票而仍然感謝你的老闆
: 116. You’re terrified that the chicken head will point at you during the annual "wei ya".
年終尾牙時你害怕雞頭指向你
: 117. You are in a car with six people and argue with the seventh to hurry up and get in.
你在一台已經載了六個人的轎車裡還要第七個人進去
: 118. NT$1000 is far less than the equivalent in your home currency.
新台幣一千元比對應的你家鄉的貨幣還不值錢
: 119. Your kids speak better Chinese than you do.
你的小孩比你會說中文
: 120. Steak just doesn’t taste right without an egg, noodles, and tomato sauce.
牛排不配蛋、麵和蕃茄醬就會怪怪的

: 121. When you’re thirsty, you go to 7-11 for a box of tea.
你渴的時候會去小七買一箱茶
: 122. Someone wishes you a Happy Easter and you remember it’s easter…
有人向你祝復活節快樂時你才想起來「啊，今天好像是復活節」
: 123. You can keep up with the plot lines of local soap operas.
你很容易跟上八點檔連續劇的劇情
: 124. You see Taiwanese who resemble your foreign friends and relatives back home.
你常看到像你的朋友或家鄉親戚的台灣人
: 125. You’ve become unconscious of profuse sweating.
大量流汗對你已經沒感覺了
: 126. You no longer sweat.
你已經不會流汗了
: 127. You know where to buy clothes that fit you.
你知道上哪裡買合穿的衣服
: 128. You can cook Chinese.
你會煮中國菜
: 129. You know police and tax officials by name.
你知道警察和稅務人員的名字
: 130. You know the visa system better than people in the visa offices.
你比簽證處的人更了解簽證系統
: 131. You cannot say the number six without an accompanying hand gesture.
你不會不比出手勢而說出6這個數字
: 132. You’d take boiled peanuts over dry-roasted any day.
你會吃煮過的花生而不是乾焙的花生
: 133. The only TV shows you know about from home are those in syndication in Taiwan.
你所知的家鄉那邊的節目只有那些在台灣也有播的
: 134. Money from home looks and feels like "Monopoly" money.
家鄉的紙幣看來很像大富翁裡的假錢
: 135. You feel embarrassed for *other* foreigners.
你為其他外國人而感到不好意思
: 136. You add syllables to English words when speaking Chinese (eg test-uh)
你說中文時會在英文字上加音節(例如tes-特)
: 137. You have Chinese input software on your computer.
你的電腦上有中文輸入法
: 138. You can’t live without dried squid-flavored strips.
沒有魷魚絲可吃你會受不了
: 139. You know the names of Taiwan actors, actresses, singers, politicians, and broadcasters.
你知道台灣演員、歌手、政治人物及主播的名字
: 140. The rate at which you speak English has slowed considerably, and you use simple words.
你說英文的速度變慢了，而且變得只用簡單的字
: 141. Writing an email in English is like doing your tax.
寫英文信像是在報稅般困難
: 142. You start your day with soybean milk and oil sticks.
你早餐會吃油條&喝豆漿
: 143. You start the day in the park exercising with people your age.
你每天早上和年紀與你差不多的人在公園慢跑
: 144. You have accumulated more stuff than you could possibly take home with you.
你堆了比你能帶回去的更多的東西
: 145. Your savings are in a "hui".
你的存款全部拿去跟會了
: 146. You’ve started a "hui".
你自己也開過一個互助會
: 147. Internal organs of animals are yummy.
動物的內臟很好吃
: 148. You casually pick out and discard cockroach parts in your "biandang".
你小心的挑出並丟掉那些在你的便當裡的部份小強

: 149. You take stock market tips from taxi drivers.
你從計程車司機那裡知道怎麼買股票最好
: 150. "Meibanfa" or "bukenung" are perfectly acceptable answers to your inquiries at government offices.
公家機關對你的需求的回答是「沒辦法」或「不可能」是非常可以接受的
: 151. You celebrate your birthday with taro, red bean, and lard.
你用芋頭、紅頭和豬油慶祝生日
: 152. You play mahjong until 4 a.m. with your in-laws on holidays.
你和你的公公婆婆假日會打麻將打到凌晨四點
: 153. You look forward to typhoons because you might get a day off work.
你很期待颱風，因為會有颱風假可以放
: 154. After a couple of beers you jones for a betelnut.
幾杯啤酒下肚後你會很想嚼上幾個檳榔

: 155. You stop caring about tones in your Mandarin.
你不再在意你國語中的口音
: 156. You’ve taught another foreigner something in Chinese.
你用中文教其他外國人東西
: 157. You’ve learned something in Chinese from another foreigner.
你也從另一個外國人那裡學到什麼東西的中文
: 158. You get a feng shui expert to go apartment hunting with you.
挑房子時會請一個風水師
: 159. You can tell the difference between a fresh and a stale betelnut.
你分得出新鮮和壞掉的檳榔
: 160. Your friends have gone home, gotten advanced degrees, and returned to Taiwan.
你的朋友們回國深造，得了更好的學歷後又回來台灣
: 161. When someone back home asks you how things are going in "Thailand," you are offended but don’t say anything.
當家鄉裡某人問你在「泰國」如何時，你感到被羞辱了而不發一語
: 162. You dream in Chinese.
你的夢裡說中文
: 163. You know just enough Taiwanese to embarrass someone who’s talking about you.
你知道的台灣話剛好夠使某個在談論你的人感到尷尬
: 164. You have saved money.
你存了些錢
: 165. When driving back home, people give you the finger.
當你在家鄉開車時，人們會向你比中指
: 166. When you’ve been on vacation, you’re happy to return.
當你出去渡假時，你在回去時最高興
: 167. Your police friends feel safe telling you about recent bribes they’ve taken.
你的警察朋友會放心告訴你最近收了誰的錢

: 169. You wish desperately you could vote in local elections.
你很希望自己能有投票權
: 170. Your kid is half Chinese, I mean, Taiwanese.
你的孩子是中國混血，呃，應該說，台灣混血
: 171. You haven’t had a dent on your motor vehicle in years.
你的車上好幾年沒有凹痕了
: 172. Dry weather irritates your skin.
乾的天氣使你的皮膚感到不舒服
: 173. You realize that *everyone* is available.
你發現到其實每個人都很有空
: 174. You’ve used up quite a few health insurance cards.
你的健保卡已經用掉好幾張了
(這是指以前的紙卡)
: 175. You run into former students in bars.
你在酒吧裡撞見你以前的學生

: 178. You feel like a kid in a candy store at Costco.
在好市多裡的糖果店裡你覺得你像個小孩般
: 179. You’ve called gangster friends to help you settle a dispute.
爭吵時你會去叫幾個「幫手」來
: 180. The credit card you gave your wife is your "get out of jail free card"
你給你太太的信用卡是你的「放出監獄自由卡」
: 181. You learn more about the news from what it doesn’t say.
你從新聞中總聽得出言外之意
: 182. You piss off locals with running commentary on the local news.
你對這些新聞嗤之以鼻的評語激怒了當地的人
: 183. You know someone who’s died here.
你認識在這附近死掉的人
: 184. You drink coffee in the morning and tea at night.
你在白天喝咖啡，晚上喝茶
: 185. You could rebuild your entire life in a day.
你能在一天內重建你的一生
: 186. You had hair when you first got here.
你剛來這裡的時候是有頭髮的
: 187. New arrivals mistake your sarcasm for bitterness.
剛來這裡的人會把你的諷刺當成訴苦
: 188. You have a beer taste on a champagne budget.
你喝啤酒但你的資額是買香檳的額度
: 189. You just don’t understand what all those new young Mandarin students are all about.
你就是搞不懂時下這些年輕人
: 190. You’ve consulted a lawyer.
你會向律師求助
: 191. You *are* a lawyer.
或者你自己就是一名律師
: 192. You’ve been in a local hospital more than once.
你進出過當地醫院超過一次
: 193. You only get gastroenteritis when you return home.
你只會在回家後得到腸胃炎
: 194. You own more travel guides than places you’ve been to.
你有的旅遊指南比你去過的地方更多
: 195. You have a favorite pair of flip-flops.
你有自己偏愛的拖鞋
: 196. You think the best gifts are practical.
你覺得最好的禮物是有實用性的
: 197. You think the best gift is money.
你覺得最好的禮物是錢
: 198. You laugh when people say the word "illegal"
當聽到人們說「這不合法」時你一笑置之


: 200. You think a half-hour car ride is an excruciatingly long time
你覺得坐半小時的車是非常非常久
: 201. You haven’t learned a new word of Chinese in years.
你已經幾年沒學到中文新字了
: 202. You’ve bought the same thing a dozen times … and will buy a new one when this one breaks.
你會一再的買同一件東西…而且當它壞掉時你還會再買一次
: 203. You get all weepy when you hear Christmas music.
當你聽到聖誕節音樂時你會想哭
: 204. You have more money in your pocket right now than you’ve ever had back home.
你的口袋裡有比你還在你的家鄉時更多的錢
: 205. You spent more money today than you ever did back home.
而你花的錢也比你還在你的家鄉時更多
: 206. There’s at least one room in your house you seldom use.
你的房子裡至少有一間房間你很少使用
: 207. The pages of your Chinese phonebooks are yellow.
你的中文電話簿是黃色的
: 208. The Lonely Planet guide of Taiwan is so shallow.
你覺得那些介紹台灣的出版物講的都太膚淺了
: 209. You’re amazed at how low-tech everything is back home.
你會對你的家鄉如此科技落後感到驚訝
: 210. You have a giant wedding photo on your wall
你的牆上有一張大張的結婚照
: 211. You *had* a giant wedding photo on your wall.
你的牆上曾經有一張大張的結婚照
: 212. You own something cute.
你有某些”可愛”的東西
: 213. You bake in a toaster oven.
你在微波爐裡烤東西
: 214. You drink the water.
你喝這邊的水
: 215. You can de-bone a piece of chicken in your mouth within seconds.
你能在幾秒內用嘴巴剔除雞肉內的小骨頭
: 216. You can shell shrimp in your mouth within seconds.
你能在幾秒內把嘴裡蝦子的外殼剝掉
: 217. You speak English in hotels to get better service.
在飯店時你會說英文，以取得更好的服務
: 218. You’re always the one who holds the door open button so others can get on.
你永遠是電梯裡那個按著開門鈕讓大家進來的人
: 219. Under no circumstances would you ever give up your seat.
不管怎麼樣你都絕不會讓出你的座位
: 220. You cut off gravel trucks and those blue Varica trucks.
你會去超那些砂石車和小貨車的車
: 221. You practice s-curves on the freeway at 120.
你在高速公路以120公里的時速練習S型開車
: 222. You answer either/or questions with yes.
你回答either/or問題(兩個你要選哪一個) 是用yes

: 224. You cover your mouth when you pick your teeth.
你在剔牙時會遮住嘴
: 225. You know what DM, POP, AE, XO, WC, and AV stand for or mean.
你知道DM, POP, AE, XO, WC, 和AV是什麼意思
: 226. You golf.
你打高爾夫球
: 227. All your air tickets are round trip.
你的機票都是來回票
: 228. You pay close attention to traffic reports.
你會特別注意交通報導
: 229. You’ve been on television.
你上過電視
: 230. You have a stuffed animal in your car.
你車裡有一個填充動物玩偶/吊飾
: 231. You’ve been through several cell phones, computers, and business cards.
你前前後後有過幾隻手機, 幾台電腦和不少名片
: 232. Over half of your software is pirated.
你電腦裡超過半數的軟體是盜版的
: 233. You call your wife on your cell phone just to let her know you really are out with the guys.
你打手機給太太只是要讓她知道你的確和這些人出去了
: 234. You make up a really good excuse otherwise.
不然的話你會找個很好很好的理由
: 235. You forget to leave tips when back home.
回家鄉後你總是忘了給小費
: 236. You don’t buy anything unless you can get a discount.
你不在沒打折時買東西
: 237. You accept business cards with both hands, and inspect both sides without reading them.
你用雙手接名片，並且會檢查兩面，但不讀它
: 238. You’re afraid of dogs.
你怕狗
: 239. Bread is thick, mushy, and sweet as hell.
麵包應該是厚厚的，軟軟的，而且甜死人不償命
: 240. You’ve tasted things that are too sweet.
你吃過你覺得太甜的東西
: 241. You move to be within walking distance of the MRT.
你會搬到離捷運站走路很近的地方
: 242. You move to be within driving distance of the freeway.
或是搬到離高速公路開車很近的地方
: 243. You’ve picked up a few words of Japanese from TV.
你從電視上學了幾個日文字
: 244. You carry an umbrella with you for much of the year.
一年中大多數時間你會帶傘
: 245. You dust-mop your floor.
你清地板是用灰塵清潔拖把拖地
: 246. You try to tell people back home about Taiwan, and are angry when they look bored.
你試著告訴你的朋友有關台灣，然後為他們感到無聊很生氣
: 247. You have nothing to say to people back home.
你和家鄉的人沒什麼話題可以聊
: 248. You smile when you’re embarrassed or angry.
當你尷尬或生氣時你還是會強顏歡笑

249. When you start to think that a $5 dollar dinner is too expensive

當你覺得 $5 美元的晚餐很貴

250. When you stick toilet paper in your pocket before you go out- just in case

當你出門時會自己帶衛生紙以防萬一上廁所需要

251. When you are not surprised to find footprints on toilets seats

當你在馬桶墊上發現腳印是不覺得奇怪

252. The footprints on the toilet seat are yours!!

馬桶墊上的腳印是你的!!

253. When you no longer bother with the past tense when speaking English.
當你說英文時不再去想過去式現在式這種問題

254. When you’ve visited every county in Taiwan including the offshore islands.

當你去過台灣所有縣市 包刮那些海外的

255. When you prefer betel nut to coffee as a start-me-up.

當你覺得檳榔比咖啡更提神

256. When you have a large collection of Hello Kitty and Snoopy toys (and you think they’re cute).

當你有一整個系列的SNOOPY 和 HELLO KITTY 玩偶 然後你覺得他們很可愛
257. When the noise the garbage truck makes doesn’t remind you of ice cream anymore.

當垃圾車的音樂不再讓你想到冰淇淋車

258. When you drive with your jacket on backwards

當你騎機車時將外套反穿

259. When you never bought a microwave, but if someone asks you if you have one you say yes, that is, I use the one across the street at 7-11.

其實你沒有微波爐 但別人問起時你說你有, 你用對面巷口7-11的微波爐

260. When you’ve actually worn your plastic bathroom slippers out for a quick food run in the morning.

當你曾穿著你的塑膠廁所用拖鞋 在早上出去買早餐

261. When you are not afraid of cockroaches anymore, just the ones that fly

當你不再害怕小強 除了那些會飛的以外

Lantern Festival

The Lantern Festival is an important part of the Chinese New Year festivities and signals the end of the holiday. You'll find Lantern Festival celebrations going on in Chinese communities worldwide. The Lantern Festival occurs on the fifteenth day of the first month of the lunar year.

This year I attended Kaohsiung City's Lantern Festival (http://www.2009khl.com.tw/). It was a lot like summer festivals in the U.S. (e.g. Dublin Irish Festival or Circleville Pumpkin Festival). There were artists and crafters selling their works. There was plenty of fair food. Much of the food was just like what you'd find in the U.S. at fairs but there were also Chinese staples like stinky tofu (chou dofu) and chicken feet. They had a mainstage with various performances, including some major Taiwanese pop stars I heard. I saw street performers entertaining the crowds. I felt a little like I was home because the atmosphere was so similar to summer festivals in the U.S.

The lanterns, of course, were the main feature. The Kaohsiung City Lantern Festival asked that all lanterns include themes for the year of the ox and the 2009 World Games (which the city will host in July). A wide variety of groups entered lanterns into the contest. Schools at all levels and community groups participated. Walking through and seeing the craftsmanship of these lanterns was amazing. I have included some pictures at the end of this post. Every evening of the festival the lanterns were lit up for visitors to enjoy them in their full glory.

My school, Wufu Elementary School, has a long tradition of award winning lanterns. They entered lanterns in more than one local lantern festival this year and won a number of prizes. The keep the lanterns on display in some unused classrooms at school. During school breaks they even offer lantern-making classes that parents and children can take together. I think that's a fantastic idea!

If you want to learn more about the origins and history of the Lantern Festival just click on this link: http://www.china.org.cn/english/features/Festivals/78320.htm.

Otherwise, enjoy the following pictures from the Kaohsiung City 2009 Lantern Festival.

My Nose (Da Bizi)

This may seem like a strange thing to write about. I'm sure you're already asking what my nose could possibly have to do with Taiwan and it's culture. Well, actually...A LOT.

My nose is a sign of my own Hungarian roots. You can tell I'm a Kayla just by looking at me. When I lived in Rochester, PA, as a little girl everyone knew what family I belonged to by seeing my nose. Our distinctive nose is always the butt of family jokes. It's been called Romanesque or distinguished. To me, these are just polite terms for big. My schnoze is huge and I'm not afraid to admit it. I've come to terms with it's bigness and just try to avoid profile shots when someone is taking my picture. That's why you need to enjoy the one I've included. It's probably the only one you'll ever see of me.


Now, in the Western world, my nose is not usually considered a sign of my beauty. It certainly helps me stand out in a crowd but not necessarily in a way that I would want. However, in Taiwan, my nose is a constant source of fascination.

My nose is something that sticks off my face. It's long and high with an actual bridge. Most Taiwanese find this somewhat exotic. You see, folks, this is very different from the Chinese nose which is wide and flat and has no bridge (I'm sure finding glasses that fit is a challenge). Some of my students have even told me they're envious of my nose.

When someone tells me I have a big nose in the States, I am (rightfully so) insulted. When a student or even random stranger says "Da bizi(bee zi)" (big nose in Mandarin), I'm amused. I know that there is no insult intended (at least in most cases). Instead, it's more out of pure fascination. A Western nose is something interesting to them but mine is even an exaggeration of that. They just wonder why it's that way.

In one week, I had three different strangers comment on my nose. One was a teenager in a department store. She and her friends kept staring and giggling at Connie (another Ohio teacher) and I. Then, finally, one girl asked if I speak Chinese. I told them a little and they asked if we were Americans. Next, one of the girls points to my nose and says "Da bizi." Then she slowly touches it with her index finger. Her friends had a look of absolute horror and embarrassment that she just touched the American's nose. I didn't mind. It's so different that she almost didn't believe it was real.

This past week I visited Wulai, a small aboriginal village not far from Taipei. I was the only westerner in the group. We all stopped to talk with a vendor. Before, I knew it she was speaking to me in Chinese. My friend Leah began to translate for her. The woman mentioned that I had a big nose. I smiled and said yes. Then she asked Leah to ask me if it made kissing difficult for me. I told her that it's never been a problem in the past but it's been a while since I've been kissed. I have to admit that this woman's question was a legitimate one and I thought it was hilarious.

My nose isn't my only feature that draws a lot of attention from the Taiwanese. My eyes are bigger and rounder than theirs and students love to look at them. I also have long eyelashes that I come by naturally.


You should see the false eyelash section in some of the stores here. It's big business. However, despite these other differences in my features, it's always my big nose that attracts the most attention. I guess through their fascination, I'm learning to embrace this distinctive feature on me. It's what makes me, me and it's what makes me a Kayla.

Happy Chinese New Year!

Today is New Year's eve. No, I'm not confused or in some sort of time warp. In all parts of the Chinese speaking world it's the start of Chinese New Year tonight. It's also known as the Lunar New Year for those cultures who celebrate it but don't want to be associated with China. The new year is based on the phases of the moon rather than the western Gregorian calendar. In Taiwan (and probably China, too), they have struck a balance between the two calendars and most people are able to use both in their daily lives, as far I as I can tell.

Each year has an animal associated with it. Tonight, we will be ushering in the year of the ox and bidding zaijian (good-bye) to the year of the rat. There are 12 animals that rotate through the years and there are certain meanings assigned to each animal. I was born in the year of the dragon. The dragon is considered to be on of the most auspicious and lucky of all the animals. That's why many Chinese speaking countries tend to see a dramatic rise in birth rates during dragon years. There is also a rotation of yin and yang as well as the four elements. Chinese astrology is fascinating and I'm only scratching the surface here if you want to know more check out this link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_astrology

There are so many traditions associated with Chinese New Year. I will do my best to share some with you as they were told to me by friends and students. The holiday is very much like Christmas in the West. It's a time for families to be together, eat and celebrate. Many of the foods they eat have a special significance. For example, the Chinese word for peace is similar to the word for apple so they eat apples for peace in the new year (according to my sixth grade class). Also according to my sixth graders, they eat fish because the word for fish is similar to the word for prosperity.

The tradition that you might already know of is the red envelope. This is like giving gifts on Christmas. Everyone gets red envelopes. They are filled with money and always an even amount at that. However, you never give an amount with a four in it. The word for four sounds very much like the word for death in Chinese. Basically, the number four in the east is like the number 13 in the west. The red envelopes themselves can be a work of art. Some are just plain red but others have elaborate decorations.

Another big new year's tradition is cleaning the house. They don't just clean because the family is coming over for dinner like we do in the States. It's all about sweeping out the bad from the last year to make room for the good. I like that thought. You're giving yourself a fresh start and not letting your past hold you back. They also make sure to hide the broom and dustpan on the first day of New Year's so the good luck isn't mistakenly swept away.

The Chinese New Year is not only one day. It's a holiday that lasts 15 days and ends with the Lantern Festival. I'll be sharing more about that with you when it happens. My school participates every year and the lanterns are amazing. There are traditions assigned to every day but they do vary by country. How they celebrate in Taiwan is not exactly how they celebrate in China. The traditions even vary within China depending on what part of the country you're in.

My description of the holiday is a very basic one. If you'd like to learn more, please check out this link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_New_Year