Fear and Fearlessness

As the school year comes to a close, the reality of going to Taiwan is beginning to hit me. I'm becoming increasingly nostalgic as I begin to clean out my classroom. When I moved into that room two years ago, I believed my life was finally settled. I was in a completely different place. Now, I'm packing things up and will soon be turning over the keys. It will no longer be my home away from home.

Lately, I've been wondering if I'm crazy for doing this. My life is in a great place. I have a wonderful job in a very supportive school. I've learned so much from my colleagues and students. I've made so many new friends as well as strengthened and renewed old friendships. I have a fantastic life here. Why would I want to disturb that?

I know deep down that because I have a fantastic life that I need to disturb it. This is the best time to shake things up and make some big changes. My friends will be there no matter where I am in the world. It's because of their support that I am, in part, able to do this. I stand to gain so much from this experience.

There have been many who say I'm fearless for doing this. They've told me it takes guts to leave everything and travel half-way around the world. What they don't know is that I'm scared witless. I've always wanted to travel internationally but this goes beyond travel.

I'll be immersed in a foreign culture for a year. No family member or friend will be within a days drive or short flight like in the past. This goes beyond long-distance.

I know I have a strong personality and usually adapt well and make friends easily but this is one of the biggest challenges in my life. Ninety-nine per cent of me is sure that I will do this and love every moment. However, I have my moments where the other one per cent creeps up on me and I beginning questioning my abilities to do this.

I know it's only natural to have those fears. My friends who have lived abroad assured me the fears will melt away once my feet touch foreign soil. In fact one good friend believes, I will enjoy is so much that I won't return. Who knows?

I guess as I go through this and prepare to leave August 16 for this amazing journey, I'm learning more about myself than I ever thought I would. One thing I have come to understand is that no one is fearless. Some of are just able to make our fear work for us rather than against us. I use my fear as a trigger to remember all the things I will gain from this journey and suddenly that fear becomes excitement and anticipation.